Rediscovering + Aligning Self : My Ten Year Anniversary Journey | Liger Goddess
Photography by Ty Myrick Photography
I'm not what I used to be Nowhere, nowhere near the other me Broken hopes and dreams, losing my identity Slowly, breaking every part of me
I almost gave up my whole life, depression had the best of me Thought I knew me In my heart I tried to find the truth in my lies Oh, why did I let fear and comfort have it's way with me? And now I see
You might be good from far away Here's to better days When you're no longer in control of me and miles away,
I choose me!
I choose to be free!
I choose to have my wish!
I choose to believe in my so-called impossible dreams!
I choose to believe as I embrace my deity, so will he?
I choose to allow "I AM" to have it's way with me?
8/8/2008 - 8/8/2018
This month marks 10 years. Happy 10 year Anniversary Tifarah!
I got an early start (Feb this year) on planning and celebrating this moment. There was only place I knew for sure I wanted to be...near the water. On the beach anywhere. I also thought to myself , I think I want to share this moment and journey with all of you. To be alive, living and not just existing. To have a purpose, to be filled with passion, to fall in love with my changing body, to cultivate unconditional love and to be aligned with what my essences is everything – I couldn't think of any better reason to be grateful and happy! No, I'm not super rich or famous by the worlds definition but I have a sounder mind, a more peaceful heart, and a healthier lifestyle that I wanted 10 years ago. I am also not where I "Wanted" to be at this stage in my life but it's where I "Need" to be. I truly believe, I will handle things the way I prayed and proclaimed over 20 years ago, for my intended future.
I was the prodigal child. Walking away for the calling God had on my life at 18 years old. I didn't want that traditional ministry lifestyle or the responsibility that comes with it. I wanted to be a free -willed child. So, I told God, "when I know I can truly commit to you, I will return to you. I don't want to be luke warm with you. I want to make an impact on the world but I need something unique and in-line with this person I feel deep inside of me. I didn't understand her 10 years ago and I wanted to have fun. I believe God spoke to me in his spirit saying, " I will be here for you when you are ready but know that I can only protect you but so far. And you are still special no matter how far you run or how hard you resist".
From 18 until 25 yrs old, I lived my life without the heavy burned of what God and my "Christian" family thought about me. It was the best thing for me to experience and I know God protected me a lot through it all. I was nearing my 26th birthday and I tried to take my life. I was in a deep depression and I just didn't want to be here anymore. I felt there was no point. I had this strong desire for something on the inside that had yet been fulfilled. I started asking what am I really here for? Yes, that cliche question you've heard so many times before. Two guy friends stopped me on that day. I just cried and cried, til I finally called on God again. I should remember the date of that moment but I don't. I was so out of it .... and for a few days that followed. But, about a month later, I was standing in a personal and private ceremony between God, the Holy Spirit and Myself. With vows in hand unaware of the experiences and the journey I would "call / manifest" into my life.
Where did my vows come from? Well, I started back journaling again 2 years prior to this moment. I reflected back on everything that I wrote. I found common things and knew those things were important to me. I made my vows from that. My prayer or as I now call it - a Manifesto for my life was created. The main thing I wanted above all else was to LOVE myself truly, madly, and deeply. So, I bought an Onyx ring as a symbol. I asked God when I have gotten to a true state of agape love from within, could he bring another ring to me of his choosing - let that ring find me, to show me, that I have reached a point of loving who and who's I am authentically. I then decided, I want to do something bigger for myself. So, I said I will "marry" myself. I looked up Esther preparations and did similar treatments because I was going to go before my creator.
On August 8th 2008, after a 7 day fast, bathing my body in essential oils and dressing myself in a beautiful dress, I held a Onyx ring in my hand and recited vows to myself as I looked into a mirror and then ended it with a prayer. I then wrote those vows and that prayer in my new journal. That decision brought me to this moment. I chose myself and my life that day. I had no idea of the battle that was ahead of me. The battle of spirit vs self, spirit vs mind, spirit vs body, spirit vs the world, spirit vs my plans, spirit vs my timing, spirit vs pain, heartbreak, bitterness, control, depression, disbelief, family, friends, and etc.
Every day, I try to make a conscious effort to choose myself. So, on 8/8/2018, I treated myself again. Doing all the things I did 10 yrs ago. I fasted for that day, soaked in the tube with essentials, relaxed, took stock over myself on all levels, and reflected. I prepared my thoughts for a new manifesto for myself. I will go into what a personal manifesto is in another blog post.
One of the main gifts I gave myself was this photo shoot for this subject and a custom necklace with 3 pendents that are symbols for what God said I will cultivate within myself through this journey. Below, I have listed 8 things that helped me to Rediscover and Align myself.
8 Things About Rediscovering + Aligning Myself
“Our lives improve only when we take chances and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.” ~Walter Anderson
1. Choose Yourself Daily
Self-Love + Self-Worth is so powerful. Make choices that will have lasting affects on you and your overall life style.
Everyday try to choose things that make you feel good, strong, beautiful, peaceful, and etc. Those moments will make up your day and impact you. No matter how small or big the moments are - choose yourself in the most positive way possible. Your choices are for you and you alone. If you believe you are making the best choice, then know it will be the best choice for those around you that truly matter. Anyone else doesn't count.
2. Be Honest with Yourself
If you’re not use to being honest with yourself, you can’t imagine the levels of disappointment you’ll experience when you start. The good news is that you’ll probably only be able to dish it out in small doses, so you can get used to it over time. Being honest with yourself means looking past the limiting beliefs, looking into your true self and what you are capable or not capable of doing. The power of being honest with yourself is incredible. It will change your life in every way for the better. It will impact your financial situation. It will impact your relationships. It will impact your happiness. It will even impact your sleep and overall health.
When you are honest with yourself, you can admit whether or not you are doing something you love or you are doing something for another reason, such as obligation. This is hard because being honest often means that it’s time you have to start doing something else. You have to start taking action on something more or something better. You have to give up the comfortable routine/situations (even if you hate it) and find and follow your passion. When you get honest with yourself, you can clearly see which relationships are hurting you and which are helping you.
Fortunately, the recognition of how much unhealthy relationships are hurting you is often enough to get you to take action and get out. But, if you are not honest with yourself, then you will justify the relationship. You will find ways to excuse the other person’s behavior and pull down the blinds on what is really going on. You will lie to yourself and say things like “You’re strong because you are staying in this relationship!” when in reality, strength comes from demanding more for yourself. That’s a lot of work, but it’s also really rewarding!
When you are honest with yourself, you will look back and see that everything you did was to the best of your ability. You were working with what you had, and even if that wasn’t much, you couldn’t have done any better than you did. Being honest with yourself opens up a new level of awareness. If you are being honest with yourself, then life is going to feel pretty good, and it will continue to get better as your honesty helps you get the life you really want. If you are not being honest with yourself, then life is getting worse. You are experiencing more stress and feeling more drained by the day. If your life is not getting better, sit down and decide what’s wrong.
3. Release All Control
Ultimately, you can’t control everything that happens in your life but you can control how you react to life’s events. The moment you surrender yourself to the universe(God) and allow things to be as they are is the moment you will simultaneously open yourself up to unbridled happiness and co-creation with the universe.
4. Lean Not To Your Own Understand
Life has an interesting way of revealing you to yourself, bringing you to what you want or more importantly need, purging you of things, causing you to face denied issues, celebrating you, breaking you down only to build you up greater and so much more. And this mostly-likely happens in ways you wouldn't expect but isn't that the beauty of life. Allow life to think outside of the box. Allow life to bring things together. Allow life to show you that what you truly desire is out there and possible. Allow life to show you, that what you seek is seeking you. The good things don't always make prefect sense. But, you will look back and understand it later.
5. Take Care of Your Body
This is where you need to meet the universe (God) halfway. If your physical body is not healthy and well-nourished, it won’t be able to serve you as well as it could. This means feed it healthy, organic, nutritious food. Get enough sleep every night. Take vitamins and be physically active.
Maybe you like to run outside, work out at the gym, do yoga or take long walks. Be active in a way that feels good to you- it shouldn’t feel like a chore, it should be something you look forward to doing every day or several times a week. Also, limit your alcohol intake. Alcohol in moderation is fine, but too much will drain you physically, mentally and emotionally and make it hard for your body to function at its full potential. Take good care of your body and it will take good care of you. Accepting your body is so important. Especially as women we go through so many changes. Especially when having children comes into the equation. Learning to embrace a curvier fuller body as I have neared my 30's along with the hormonal changes has been a serious adjustment but I'm loving it all as I learn.
6. Practice Gratitude, Be Thankful, or Choose to be Happy
One of the easiest, quickest and best things you can do is simply say Thank You. By thanking the universe for good things you already have, you will raise your frequency and begin attracting more situations, experiences and things to be grateful for.
Find a way to take stock of things you are thankful for each morning or and night before bed. There is no right or wrong way to do this, the important thing is just to do it every single day. It doesn’t need to be detailed or well thought out, in fact the first things that come to your mind are probably the best. Don’t force it, just go with it.
7. Free Yourself From Comfort Zones and Opposing People
Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable. We all like that familiar feeling: a routine, consistency, and simply going through the motions of day-to-day life. What if, I told you that staying within the lines of your comfort zone could be a huge contributor toward stagnant personal and career development? The benefits of breaking free from your comfort zone and facing the unknown have been proven in multiple studies to build character and self-confidence, unveiling new passions and talents, and allow you to push yourself further than you ever thought imaginable.
8. Live in the Moment, Let the Spirit In, Guide You
Overthinking is a huge NO, NO ! Take a moment right now to breathe in deeply. Listen to the sound your body makes as it inhales oxygen. Start by spending a few minutes each day focusing on your breathing. This will re-direct a wandering mind and bring you into the present moment. Then as you go throughout your day, pay attention to sensory details about routine activities. What do you see? What do you feel? What do you hear? What do you smell?
By bringing your awareness back to the present time, you will allow yourself to truly live in and be in the moment.
The universe is here to guide you throughout the entirety of your physical journey. When you are ready to ask for guidance, make sure you are asking a very specific question (or set of questions). If you aren’t clear, your guidance will be unclear as well. Pay attention to signs that come your way after you ask your question. Open up your eyes, ears and heart and witness the gorgeous performance it puts on for you and you alone. These are direct communications from the universe. Basically trust your instincts without the influence of others, society or even obligations.